It's like the universe knows when I need something to blog about

I was a hero once.

Fine, so I use the term "hero" loosely.

Back when I lived at "that crazy party house" (as I've heard it referred to) my roommates and I had some pretty wild adventures. One of my favorite (because as mentioned above, I totally saved the day) is the bat story.

Once upon a warm summer evening, I was awoken by a frantic person in my doorway talking about some bird flying in her room. I wish I could say that I jumped out of bed and ran to the spot immediately, but in such a house as this one was, I can't even admit that I was surprised. What was surprising, is that when I finally dragged myself out of bed and saw that there was a bat in my roommate's bedroom (just hanging all upside down, looking at us like, "what?") there was not a guy to be found. But of course on any other given night when they were useless, they could be found crashing on any surface.

And it's also no surprise that there was a bat inside. It's not like our slumlord made sure there were screens anywhere, and people tended to just open windows anyway for some reason (well actually there were many reasons, I mean you need a place to crawl out of to sit on the roof at 2 am obviously).

Anyway, what the hell to do, right? So it's close to four am, and three of us girls just stared at each other spouting out crazy ideas, and I have absolutely no idea what was said, but I imagine it went something like this....

'What are we going to do?'

'I don't know, don't they like, bite and scratch people?'

'Sarah, you do this, you are the animal person'

'Guys! I heard something about using a tennis racket'

'I don't want rabies!!!'

'Wait, what do we do with the tennis racket?'

'Did it just move!? I think it just moved!!!'

That is when Sarah got brave and decided to just go for it. She put us on bat watch and disappeared for awhile. When she came back, it was priceless. In fact, I brought my camera out and took pictures (and if I had a scanner and wasn't lazy I would totally post them here). Anyway, she had on: a winter hat, some one's goggles from a college lab class, a scarf, a sweater, an apron, and winter gloves. How she found all of this so quickly in the middle of summer remains a mystery, but she was brave enough to get a chair and pose for a pic in front of the upside down bat. But just as she was slowly reaching a gloved hand towards it....it started to frantically fly around the room.

And there was screaming. And running.

I think we shut the door and sat outside of it for a good ten minutes, and I'm pretty sure someone actually did grab a tennis racket by the way.

Eventually we peeked in the door. And it had settled down in it's favorite little weird place on the door frame. And I got brave. I don't remember if I put the goggles on, but I did put a glove on and I still can't believe I did this, but I courageously* walked over to the chair, grabbed the bat in my gloved hand, sprinted to the window, and tossed it out. Then there was more screaming.

And we all went to bed the end.

***

I guess I was reminded of this story today, when I woke up at (oddly 4 am) and saw the cats freaking out in Kelan's room when I went to check on him. Then something whizzed by my head.

This time I let Sean be the hero. I made some oatmeal while he wandered in and out of the kitchen every once in awhile bringing random things up with him (a broom, a garbage bag ((which totally made me think of that episode of The Office)), even a pizza box) I think the kicker is that the same kid who wakes up when I am downstairs unloading the dishwasher, slept through all of this commotion.

Anyway. Bat#2 is gone, I'm convinced we all have rabies though.

Send a CDC rep.


*The kind of courage that can only come from a night with domestic canned beer and off-brand vodka

This could be a mistake, but it's not like I have a ton of readers to piss off...

You know how sometimes you taste or smell something and it is so bad or disturbing that you can't help but get everyone around you to do it too? This might be one of those "it's just me" things. Only, I feel the need to trick people into experiencing things, like, "Hey Sean, taste this, it's soooo good!" It sounds all mean when I type it out, but it's not like people would do things If I told them the truth...

Or would they?

I've been watching far too much television since this insomnia started, and lately I've been on a documentary streak. Documentaries are cool because it's like watching reality TV without the guilt...well less of it anyway. Netflix has a lot of titles that are available on instant play. Anyway, of the documentaries I've seen lately, A small list sticks out in my head. I don't know why, but the last three I've seen have all been disturbing, although two of them have been about the death penalty.

I have to say that I'm not overly passionate about a lot of issues. I try not to take extreme views on anything because I hate conflict, there is always grey area, and I think it just opens the door for debates, and debates are positively useless. However, I am pro-choice (not to be confused with pro-abortion), and I do oppose the death penalty.

That said, I found these documentaries disturbing for various reasons and I want you to watch them so I'm not alone in my disturbedness!!

- The Last Word

-My Flesh and Blood (not about the death penalty, but hard to watch)

-Deadline

Let me know what you think!

Yep.This really is my life.

There is a good reason that I am not a nurse. Actually there are several. It turns out that in my old age, I am not very fond of vomit or blood or feces or... touching people. I've heard many parents say, "Oh, it is SO different when it is your child." Um not for this girl. I've yet to pick up a dirty kleenex or change a diaper and feel the love. Mostly, it is just a lot of dry heaving.

I had to take Kelan to the pediatrician this week. Again. Because he has had a sinus infection that keeps coming back. He woke up with a fever and I just made an appointment. It's actually pretty cool not to have a baby anymore. I've learned all of the fun tricks now. Instead of being the "good client" and asking for a nurse, I just call the scheduling department and tell them I want him to be seen. Before, I would always sweetly ask for a nurse who would give me a hundred question quiz before telling me to schedule an appointment (It's the parent/nurse equivilant of that IT department that you have to first go through that asks you if your computer isn't working because you forgot to plug it in or turn it on). Let me tell you, they always do end up telling you to schedule, because they don't want to be the one who gets sued if a kid dies.

So anyway, I took him in and enjoyed the awesomeness that is trying to occupy a three-year-old in a 5 by 5 room. Which, on a side note, is even worse than it was for parents a generation ago, because now they have stopped putting toys anywhere because GERMS! and THE FLU! and DEATH!!!!! Apparently they are all against kids building immunities these days.

Just at about the point where I'm about to sneak out and pretend I was never there, the pediatrician comes in. I really like ours because she is good at acting like everything happens all the time. I swear we could bring him in bleeding out of the ears and she would calmly say, "Ah, yeah, I've seen this a hundred times, my kids had it twice, here's your script!" She looked up his nose and declared that it was a sinus infection.

But just when I was ready to tell her which Walgreens and run away, she totally threw me for a loop, "Does he pee on command?" she asked, "I think I'm going to take a urine sample just in case." Uhhhh. and before I could say "Come again?" a nurse was at the door. She thrust a cup in my hand and says "Ok, we'll just need a small sample, and make sure to and I quote, 'wipe the tip' with an antibacterial wipe beforehand" (she was very cheery about the whole ordeal), and then she just walked away. SHE WALKED AWAY!!!

And once again, I'm starting to research child psychiatrists because I'm sure he is scarred for life by the experience. Actually it wasn't so bad. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor and bribed him with a popsicle, everything was fine. I even made it through that awkward moment standing outside of a bathroom holding urine praying that I don't give it to the wrong nurse. (When will they learn to stick around a bathroom?)

Once again. These are the things they leave out of the "What to Expect" books.