Tuesday, September 4, 2012

I'll let Samuel Jackson do the cursing for me this time


Well, things around here have officially gone from kind of nuts to cartoonishy crazy. I couldn't make this stuff up.

For your sake and mine, i'll stick to bullet points

- The heap of junk that sits in our driveway

Yes, our old Civic is on it's way out.  We have put thousands into that car and it has given us a couple of good years, but I'm pretty sure it's time to call it.  I'm not very picky about what I drive so I would be happy enough just to drive the car until it putters out, but the big issue is that it's become kind of an environmental hazard.  It basically makes it's way through the city leaking oil in a steady stream.  I've learned not to park in any driveway for any reason. Ever.  We checked on what it would cost to fix the issue and it's more than half of what the car is worth these days.  We need it to last until March. Keep your fingers crossed for us...

-  The heap of junk that sits on our property

What's new with the money pit, you ask? Wait, you didn't ask?  Here's the scoop: it's not sold yet and thankfully now, off the market for awhile.  We averaged about one showing per week this summer, which is kind of a lot, but unfortunately we are just going to have to stick around here for awhile, tossing more money into the pit. Which actually brings me to....

- The bats!  

The bats! The bugs, I've gotten used to.  The mice? The cats have gotten used to, but the bat situation in this house has me losing it.  It's almost exactly like that movie, Snakes on a Plane- Samuel Jackson's famous line, actually-- just watch this. Yes. That is how I feel except, replace snakes with bats. And replace plane with house. We've had four of them in the past two months. We had one exterminator come out and all he could say is that he has no idea where they are coming from* The last bat we woke up to flying overhead at four am. In our bedroom. Good times.

- the zombies! 

Fine, so there is only one, and it's me.  It's still a threat though.  Going off all my meds seemed like such a good idea back when I was still on them; Back when we were thinking of potential future risk to fetus (what is the plural of fetus?), because, baby fever!!  However, now, in the thick of withdrawal from Effexor--constant headaches, brain fog, nausea, and debilitating fatigue?? The extent to which I look and feel like the walking dead has me thinking, baby shmaby, my brains are gone...give me yours, nom.  Which brings me to...

- my unemployable self

Okay, I know what you're thinking.  It's probably the zombie thing, idiot! But you're wrong, because, of the six part-time minimum wage or near minimum wage jobs I've applied for this summer, not one prospective employer has even seen me in person! That's right, not one interview.  It's pathetic really. On paper, though, I don't even look that bad! I'm a responsible adult whose had some college, an average work history, and I volunteer in the community! What gives? I'm already picking out the classes I plan on taking next semester. I've had it with the Wisconsin job market. 

- cactuslegsgate

The thing is, it's basically a miracle that this doesn't happen more often based on how often I talk without thinking.  Basically cactuslegsgate started one evening when Kelan and I were watching television together. He turned to me and said, "Ew mom, your legs are pokey." I absentmindedly replied, "Yeah, I guess I do have cactus legs today, don't I?" Apparently K thought this was pretty funny, because two nights later when we were reading stories he proudly mentioned that he told Miss Rachel (daycare staff) that she had cactus legs. Nice.  So, to anyone my child may have offended, please accept my sincerest apologies.

There you have it.  This is what we have been up to lately. Zombies, bats, oil spills, and vast pits with money at the bottom.  It could be better, it could be a whole lot worse.  I'll take it.  And just like the lyrics in that One Republic song, We'll keep marching on, one foot right in front of the other. 


*Hades?