This is where I draw the line, insanely wealthy people.

Ummmm.... I don't even really know how to start this.

I mean, I guess it's no secret that Sean and I aren't upper crust. The signs are everywhere... Our summer house is totally just a tent and even then it's, you know, only for that one weekend. Sometimes we drink wine out of champagne glasses. I have never put premium gasoline in any vehicle, ever. Probably the most obvious sign, (because our porch isn't big enough for an old couch) is the fact that we use ice cube trays. ice cube trays. That's right, our refrigerator doesn't magically spit out perfectly shaped cubes of ice. Wrap your brain around that for a second.

Here is where I'm going with this; Yesterday, I got a catalog in the mail. It was for a children's clothing store called Marie-Chantal (tag line-beautiful clothes for beautiful children). I paged through it, looking at the adorable blonde haired, blue eyed babies wearing cardigans and pea coats and thought, "aww how cute (in a Stepford sort of way)." Then my eyes wandered over to the prices.


HOLY HELL!

I had to squint to make sure I saw them right.

Because, wow.

Okay. I am all for splurging at Gap Baby if I see a cute little hat or sweater, but here is where I vomit in my mouth a little; $148.00 for a pair of flats. FOR A PRESCHOOLER. $416.00 for a "skating coat"!!! Because, we all know that kids never grow, and they definitely don't kick off their shoes while riding in the stroller somewhere between Macy's and that day spa.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to start a political debate here. I'm just having a little fun over the fact that something Sean or I did this past year made this company think that we were worthy of their catalog.

BUT... In my humble opinion, if theoretically you have the choice between buying a 3 year old a four hundred dollar coat, or putting money toward feeding an entire village of people in a third world country?...

Just sayin'

This is probably why most doctors recommend more than four hours of sleep a night

Ever had one of those days?

You know, that one day where you couldn't sleep past 3:30 and decided to eat a breakfast of stale Oreos in front of the show Hoarders? And even though you had been up since 3:30, you didn't drag yourself into the shower until 6:00 and everything took you seven times longer than normal? Then after that, you had to drop your screaming kid off at daycare to make it 10 minutes late to an appointment and you almost turned around on the way because he was all, "I'm sad....I don't want to go....I'll miss you...please don't make me go to drop-in!" but then you realized that you had to go to the appointment, and turning around would only perpetuate his separation anxiety?

Ever had one of those days where you really, really needed your toddler to nap and just as soon as he fell asleep, the neighbors had a huge, loud truck pull in and unload people to shout to each other and pound on the roof for 3 hours? And 5 minutes after they came, you wanted to cry like a baby, because despite your silent prayers, you heard said toddler shout, "I wake up mommy!"

Ever had one of those days where you were so behind on everything house, but had to spend an hour and a half on the phone figuring out what was with that random pile of bills that had been sitting on the desk in no order whatsoever? And during that hour you had to beg your toddler seventeen hundred times (while hearing the loud annoyed sighs on the other end of the phone) to "please give mommy two more minutes..."?

And the laundry is piling up, and you ruined your teapot because all of the water evaporated before you could get to it and it made sparking sounds and smelled scary, and you don't have a five year plan, and what the heck should you go back to school for?

And OH MY CRAP what should you do about dinner?!

Ugh. Those days.

I found the cure.

You just have to lay next to your kid on the floor, and he'll say completely out of the blue, "A double rainbow- Oh my god!" and your day will be completely fixed because even though you are a crappy parent who let your kid play with trains on the floor while you were watching that viral video four times yesterday, and laughing so loud with your husband and you forgot to ask him if he had to go potty, he still loved you and knew just what to say to fix a bad day?



Life is good.

The one where I shoved bamboo shoots under his fingernails (or might as well have)

Warning: this is another post in which I whine about parenting.

Oh my Gaaaaaawwwwd the injustice.

So I've heard that the "science" of parenting is to be consistent and receive results. I'm sorry, but I have to call BS.

Something amazing happened last week. I decided not to blog it because of the jinx factor. Everybody knows that second you tell people that your baby is finally sleeping through the night is the second your baby stops that cute little trend. Anyway, I took Kelan to daycare for the first time in three or four months. I expected resistance. I expected screaming and kicking. I expected the annoyed looks on the teachers' faces as they pried him off of my legs. I did not expect him to casually walk in and say "Hi" to people, wave goodbye to me, and walk away- but that's what happened.

That experience totally made my day. I may have been on the treadmill running, but in my head I was thinking of all the part-time job hunting I should do, all of the last minute errands I could run, the coffee dates I could enjoy while he had fun socializing with kids his age. Oh the freedom of having a child that is open to drop-in daycare!

Five short days later- I'm on the treadmill running... but this time I'm closing my eyes and running far, far away from the screaming- and the fear that my toddler has some sort of crazy attachment disorder that will cripple him for life. If you happened to be at the downtown Y today, you might have seen me. I was the disheveled chick carrying the screaming kid and trying not to drop the backpack or, god forbid, the matchbox-sized airplanes that he "had" to bring with him. I looked a hot mess.

So, In conclusion, there might be some rhyme or reason to all of this consistency stuff, but in my humble opinion, it's touch and go- on the best days. And the "science" of parenting is to always be consistent, and don't ever, ever, expect it back. That way you'll be happy when you get it... in about 20 years.

How bout them packers?

Here is a short list of things that I have really enjoyed since coming back to WI:



1) My kid- like this one needs an explanation

2) My Husband- because someone needs to catch me up on all of the reality TV I missed- and OMG do you think Ali was going to pick Frank?

3) The weather- because 80 degrees with humidity is soooo much better than 100+ degrees with humidity (a dry heat my ass)

4) Trees- because they are so green and tree-like. Brown is such a drab color. And there's shade, that's always nice.

5) Squirrels- I think people in AZ might be confused... the animals they call squirrels are not squirrels... I think they are some sort of chipmunk hybrid.

6) Dessert- I had lost a couple (OK 10) pounds over the summer from a combination of stress and med changes. It's kind of fun not having to watch my simple carb intake for the time being. This week I went to Great American Cookies and got myself a double doozie.....aaaaaMAZING!!!

7) Water- you know because we have it.

8) Reading- I wasn't allowed to read for pleasure in treatment but I have been more than making up for it. I recently read Water for Elephants (awesome novel-soon to be a movie) and Smashed (a well-written, engrossing memoir about a teen aged girl with a drinking problem)

Ah yes, home sweet home.

But I do miss some things from AZ. I miss the lizards and the palm trees. I miss the girls from the program. I miss the mountains and riding horses. Most of all though, I miss waking up and having to chug a glass of lukewarm gatorade- the kind mixed (never in the same ratio) from powder. Just kidding, I don't miss gatorade at all. Yuck.

My kid got weird while I was gone

Or more likely my parenting got rusty.


But seriously,


Yesterday I had to threaten a time-out because he was licking the tv screen. Sean and I also had to put to use some serious distraction skills when he begged and pleaded to bring one of our dinner plates with him to Grandma's house. Yes a plate. He'll never know how close I came to giving in and just letting him bring it. I have to admit, part of me picked this battle just to see how much of a fuss he would put up over a dinner plate. Because I'm a terrible mom and I like to mess with his head a little.


But this is odd behavior, no?


I get picking battles, I just never imagined that they would get this...strange.


Send parenting books.

I'm back (ish)

In the past, when people would come up to me with the obligatory "Hey how are you doing?" question, I would pause for a second and seriously consider actually being honest instead of plastering on the fake smile and answering "great!" I think maybe I'm not alone in this. Or possibly I am and that is how I got in this situation to begin with.

If you asked me today though, the obligatory, "Hey how are you doing?" (well unless you were like my bank teller or cashier or something, cause I'm not that crazy) I would gladly answer "I'm losing my s!&#, but I hope it gets better soon." Because I am so over faking.

Don't get me wrong, I know that whole "laugh and the world laughs with you" stuff, and we all know that I love me a good laugh, but when you are going through a rough time, the last thing you want is to be honest about it only to be met with a cheery smile and faux sympathetic head nod as if that person is simply baffled that someone could feel a feeling other than bliss.

This is why the past two months of my life have been the best and worst all at once. As you are probably aware now, my hiatus was actually me spending 52 long days in an inpatient program for women suffering from eating and/or anxiety disorders.

I was there getting help for anxiety. The experience was life changing. I learned some hard truths about life and about myself. I faced some of my biggest fears and I lived to tell about it.

The part of treatment that I enjoyed the most was being surrounded by a sample of the population that is simply honest about their struggles. I guess it's kind of impossible to be in a treatment center and still fake that your life is "right on track!" It was a rare circumstance and I am grateful for the opportunity to have experienced it.

Needless to say, the adjustment back home has been rough.

I find myself going through the motions and feeling a bit isolated. So I guess I'll just continue to be honest, and the honest truth is that I'm not fixed yet. I'm learning to live life a different way and it's a little difficult. I'm needing help from people and it's always hard to admit when you need help. I'm taking a leap of faith and hoping that once I get through this hard part that things will better in the long run.

Wow this is getting lengthy.

I suppose the only thing I have left to say right now is that if I ask you how you are doing, please feel free to say the thing you might be really thinking, instead of "I'm great! how are you?"

H is for hiatus

Just wanted to mention that I'll be exiting the blogosphere for awhile. I'll miss it terribly!

Back in about six weeks at which time I will have plenty of random pictures and some fresh anecdotes to annoy you with.