So, I don't really know the rules about making major life choices in the wake of a miscarriage; I mean, I'm pretty sure that that it's [mildly?] ill-advised, but I'm OK with that. In any event, here's the deal... I'm quitting the stay at home mom gig. Well, sort of.
My goal is to transition this summer and by fall I'll either be working part time or going to school part time. It's a big decision for me, but one that's been on my mind for a long time. There are a lot of reasons I could explain in detail but here is one that has come up a lot lately... the misconception amongst my peers about my "job".
Last week Sean and I went out to a bar to meet some friends. We ran into some of his colleagues unexpectedly. After Sean introduced me, a gentleman asked "So what do you do?" I told him that I stay at home with Kelan. his reply? "Oh you're so lucky! That would be the so great!" He went on to talk about how he'd be at the park all day... he lost me somewhere after the "great" part.
My point isn't that I'm not lucky, it's just that in all honesty, this is the typical reaction I receive upon telling people that I'm a stay at home mom. At first it was endearing, I tried to explain that it's actually kind of challenging. Then somewhere along the line I just gave up and let people think that I indeed, am having the time of my life changing diapers and dragging a screaming kid out of a store after getting 1/4 of the things I went in for.
I'm pretty sure stay at home parenting is the only job that people feel comfortable telling you how easy you have it. I mean, it's like saying to a nurse, "You don't know how great you have it! If I were you, I'd just lurk around the waiting room all day watching programs on the TV and giving people shots once in awhile."
So there it is. I know it seems shallow that I think about other peoples' perception of my life, but it's really just one minor aspect of the situation. There are more- like the lack of adult conversation in the day, and the fear that creeps in constantly that Kelan isn't getting enough social interaction with his peers because god forbid he ends up like his socially awkward, neurotic mother. etc.etc.etc.
I guess there isn't much else to say. The hard part is done now that I've finally decided, now it's just a matter of sorting out the details and figuring out what I want to be when I grow up.
Wish me luck?
3 comments:
I love this post! Obviously, per our conversation the other night, I totally get what you're saying. For me, the hardest part is talking to it about moms who work but want to stay home. I used to be one of them! I, too, envisioned days filled with wholesome activities and craft projects. Yeah ... no. I always feel like I have to give this disclaimer: "I'm so lucky to be doing this ..." I am lucky, but it's soooo challenging. Anyway, best wishes! I hope everything turns out great for you.
It's funny that you mention feeling obligated to point out how lucky you are because I came so close to putting a disclaimer in this post. I guess it's that grass is always greener aspect of the mommy wars. I think what I've learned is that part time is the best of both worlds. I am fortunate to have the option and I am glad that I can look at it without always wondering what if.
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