In the past, when people would come up to me with the obligatory "Hey how are you doing?" question, I would pause for a second and seriously consider actually being honest instead of plastering on the fake smile and answering "great!" I think maybe I'm not alone in this. Or possibly I am and that is how I got in this situation to begin with.
If you asked me today though, the obligatory, "Hey how are you doing?" (well unless you were like my bank teller or cashier or something, cause I'm not that crazy) I would gladly answer "I'm losing my s!&#, but I hope it gets better soon." Because I am so over faking.
Don't get me wrong, I know that whole "laugh and the world laughs with you" stuff, and we all know that I love me a good laugh, but when you are going through a rough time, the last thing you want is to be honest about it only to be met with a cheery smile and faux sympathetic head nod as if that person is simply baffled that someone could feel a feeling other than bliss.
This is why the past two months of my life have been the best and worst all at once. As you are probably aware now, my hiatus was actually me spending 52 long days in an inpatient program for women suffering from eating and/or anxiety disorders.
I was there getting help for anxiety. The experience was life changing. I learned some hard truths about life and about myself. I faced some of my biggest fears and I lived to tell about it.
The part of treatment that I enjoyed the most was being surrounded by a sample of the population that is simply honest about their struggles. I guess it's kind of impossible to be in a treatment center and still fake that your life is "right on track!" It was a rare circumstance and I am grateful for the opportunity to have experienced it.
Needless to say, the adjustment back home has been rough.
I find myself going through the motions and feeling a bit isolated. So I guess I'll just continue to be honest, and the honest truth is that I'm not fixed yet. I'm learning to live life a different way and it's a little difficult. I'm needing help from people and it's always hard to admit when you need help. I'm taking a leap of faith and hoping that once I get through this hard part that things will better in the long run.
Wow this is getting lengthy.
I suppose the only thing I have left to say right now is that if I ask you how you are doing, please feel free to say the thing you might be really thinking, instead of "I'm great! how are you?"
2 comments:
Love to you, Emily. I admire your courage and honesty.
Emily, we're glad you're home. It does take a lot of courage to take the steps have already taken to help gain control of your life. We all need help throughout our lives. We'll be there for whatever you need.
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