I don't know if you feel the same way, but for me, this is awkward under the best of circumstances. Then add me and, if the money-wanter is even a bit awkward themselves, it is literally the perfect storm. And, I swear I'm not a misanthropist, but it kind of makes me long for the days of "buzzing people in" if only to prevent the discomfort for all involved.
There is one visit in particular that I dread each and every year. It's a very specific group that is politically motivated to "make some big changes in our state". The irony, is that I agree with the political affiliation, I just can't stand anything else about the group. Especially how they go after donations. One year I made the mistake of giving them my phone number and I was kind of harassed on the phone. The woman actually offered me a limited time "deal" on a certain donation amount. True story. Like I was lucky that she was going to "knock down the price" of a donation. When I tried to kindly get off the phone by saying that I was going to see about it and possibly make a donation online? She told me that she would be happy to stay on the phone while I walked to my computer. I felt like some sort of hostage. My palms are sweating just thinking about it.
Well, This year's visit was equally crazy. Well, to me anyway.
Let me paint you a picture. It's a Monday afternoon. I'm right in the middle of cleaning out the refrigerator (because I live a fancy and glamorous life). I've got my iPod headphones in my ears, not even a tiny bit of make-up on, and my hair (which I'd just let air dry into a frizzy, curly, mess) is thrown up into one of those scary top knot deals. Earlier in the day I had a stroke of genius in which I decide to wash all the shelves at once in the dishwasher so of course I'm busy trying to remember where they originally were, determinedly trying to jam them in places they don't fit (much like a toddler doing a jigsaw puzzle) I am literally sweating.
That is when I heard a knock at the door.
It was loud, so I figured it must be important. I mean, I had to answer it. What kind of neighbor would I be if the house next door was on fire and someone needed a phone or CPR or something and I just ignore them to scrub the fridge? But, by now you know where this is going...
I open the door to find three young men. Since my cats have a way of darting out the door and pissing off my neighbors by eating the local wildlife, I am forced to hastily shut the door and join them outside. When the deer-in-headlights thing finally wears off, I realize that it's too late to turn back. I'm forced to say, "Sure, I've got 'a sec'." I will now share with you the weirdness in all it's glory, complete with Italics for my inner monologue!!
I feel like if I need to share the burden of this interesting exchange.
First off, the characters:
Boy #1- age anywhere from 17-23 tops. Carries himself as if he looks like...
 |
| Hey there, can I have a second of your time? |
THIS.
Only, what I actually see is more like...
THIS
Also, I feel the need to add that he was wearing hipster glasses.
Boys #2 and 3- approx the same age as boy #1, although I never really looked at either one of them as they were standing a good 3 feet behind boy #1 the entire time.
Hot mess answering the door- 28 going on 60, looking a lot like....
 |
| Say what? |
THIS
(only without the nice features or any of the makeup)
Boy # 1 (after I tell him I have a second) "Hey, did you just get back from UW Madison?"
Me- Uhhhhh long silence as I realize that I am wearing an old Badgers tee that I acquired from the little boys section in a thrift store.
"Oh. Um. No"
(Wait "back?" How old does this kid think I am? Is he asking if I'm home from college for the summer?)
Boys #2 and 3:
Boy #1 (Still smiling exactly like the picture) "Great, well I'm "forgothisnameasecondafterhesaidit" and we're here in your neighborhood today because we are looking for people to help us out with our fill-in-the-blank organization. As you know the job market has really been suffering in our state. We are part of the fill-in-the-blank project to help create more jobs in your area, it's very important to our state and the future...
(hands me a clipboard with a laminated newsletter or something, on the message and stares at me expectantly.)
Me- Am I supposed to read this? Like right now? Can't he just give me a pamphlet or something?
(staring at the paper thinking instead of reading)
Boy #1- (Two seconds later) So, I think you are on our side in terms of this agenda?
Boys #2 and 3-
Me- In terms of jobs being a good thing and that we need them? What exactly is this? Is anyone against jobs? Is he asking if I agree that jobs in Wisconsin have been on the decline?
"Uh.. Yes"
Boy#1-
"So, obviously this initiative is going to take a lot of us to rise up and work hard to get this done. Today we are asking for donations from twenty dollars on up, I was wondering if I could have your signature and your cooperation in this?"
Boys #2 and 3-
Me- Why is he still smiling like that? He must think I'm some sad, frumpy college student that is going to give him money because he's paying me attention. How do I get out of giving these people money without them talking to me longer?
"Do you have a website that I can use to do more research on this topic?"
Boy #1-
"Well yes we do have a website and here is the address (pointing to the laminated paper) but we're hoping that you understand how important this is right now, blah blah blah ITS GOING TO TAKE A LOT OF US....blah blah blah blah ROLL UP OUR SLEEVES AND blah blah blah blah BIG CORPORATIONS....blah blah blah blah So, can I have your signature?
Me- Oh my gosh they are never going to leave and I'm sweating now. I sure would like these boys to give me a pamphlet... why would he think I should give money to them right now, I don't even know if they are legit..
"You know what? I would really like some time to do more research and discuss this with my husband before making a commitment to donate."
Boy #1- "Well, that's cool. I understand. We are going to be in your neighborhood until pretty late tonight, what time can I come back this evening after you've spoken to your...husband?"
Me- Wow. Is this guy bluffing?
"Well he doesn't even get back from work until six so....
Boy#1- (interrupts) Great! Well see you later then!
Me- OMFG! They are going to come back and break my kneecaps.
"Uh, bye?"
Boy #2 and 3-
Oh, and they did come back, I heard a loud knock at my door at around 8:30, but Kelan and I were too busy watching SheRa to answer the door.
Boy #2 and 3-
Oh, and they did come back, I heard a loud knock at my door at around 8:30, but Kelan and I were too busy watching SheRa to answer the door.
No comments:
Post a Comment