Sleep is for suckers

I've been having a little trouble with sleep lately. As in, it's rare.


Instead of whining about how annoying it is to wake up at 2, stare at the ceiling for an hour, crawl out of bed at 3 every morning and try to function until 9:30 p.m. (that's right I go to bed at a geriatric hour these days), I thought I'd have some fun, and let you in on my top ten favorite things to do between 3:00 and 8:00 a.m.


Okay, I meant in addition to whining about it.


Here goes:


10) Research how to cure insomnia- and then blatantly ignore the advice, because come on! No caffeine after 11:00 a.m.? Do they know how tired I am? And give up chocolate? Pass.


9) Fight with myself about whether or not I should be eating. I mean, technically it's not breakfast yet, and I'm adding an extra meal into my day if I start eating pre-breakfast...those muffins are really good, but if I had one I'd want coffee and who drinks coffee at this hour? Seriously, this one can take me half an hour.


8) Think really deep thoughts. Just Kidding. Usually I start thinking about something that seems profound and then forget what I was just thinking, because if I have learned anything, it's that sleep and complete thoughts are highly correlated.


7) Catch up on the trashiest TV out there. Time normal people spend REMing is time wasted considering how much more trashy TV could be watched. Shows that were not worth my time previously, are now fitting into my schedule. Which reminds me, I think I caught an STI from watching Jersey Shore this season. I should get that checked out.



6) Think of ways to annoy you. That's right, I totally think of things I can blog about. (well, until #8 kicks in).



5) Google like a crazy person. You know when you are wondering something, and you could look it up but it doesn't really seem life or death? I just save it all up in my head for my 3-8 time now. I have learned SO much! Here are some of my googles this week. "What is the lifespan of a monarch?", "which Baldwin brother is in Backdraft?" and "Are they ever going to make a movie out of Perks of Being a Wallflower?" I learned how to use search engines during the ask jeeves hype... I have never quite grown out of it.


4) Think of the places I could go at 3am. And then stay home, because I'm too lazy to get dressed. One of these days though, I am going to see what the grocery store is like at 3:30, and who does their laundry at 4:00a.m. at that 24 hour place. Cause, why not?


3) Read. Retain nothing. (see#8)


2) Listen for strange noises. Then wonder if the house is haunted. Google "How to know if your house is haunted"


1) Watch the neighbors Rear Window-style. Seriously, it's more interesting than you'd think. There are crazies in my neighborhood that wake up (ON PURPOSE) at 4:30 in the morning to go running. I need to make sure that if they go postal, and the police ask me about it, I can let them in on the reason. Also, if it weren't for insomnia, I would never have known that the neighbor woman sneaks out at 6:00a.m. and buries liquor bottles in her recycling. (Actually, this one is kind of disturbing and I wish I could go back to blissful ignorance).



So, I'm getting tired of most of these and I could use some fresh ideas. What do you do when you can't sleep?