I think I might be magical. Before you run off to have me committed, I'm only half serious. I'm actually positive that I'm magical. Perhaps that's not even the right word. What I actually mean by that, is that I have realized that I posses some super-human abilities, specifically that of invisibility. And no, I don't think I'm going too far by saying that (you can make that phone call now if you want).
It started a long time ago, but it's getting worse now. At first it was just a random occurrence, like once in awhile someone would cut in front of me in a line. These days, automatic doors aren't even opening for me. I'm serious, it happens like twice a week where I just stand outside an automatic door and inch closer and closer to it until someone comes from behind me and the doors open. It's like I'm lacking some sort of presence.
The crazy thing is, usually I am the only one who actually IS present. I blame it on the fact that I don't have a cell phone, but that's really only a hopeful guess. The honest truth is, I'm kind of forgettable. Let me give you an example of a near daily occurrence in my life. I am walking into a building behind someone. Said person opens the door, enters the building, and I am then met by a door in my face. Humbling, that.
Another personal favorite of mine is any place that I take Kelan where other children and parents are present. The library is where it's getting kind of sad. The scene I typically walk into is a bunch of kids wandering around aimlessly while a bunch of parents lean up against book shelves texting away, or in worst cases- taking phone calls! It seems like I'm having to say, "um, excuse us please, sorry" to people constantly. When did people just stop looking around? I find that when I sit down to read Kelan a story, I end up reading it to an entire little group of wandering children whose parents are MIA.
Don't even get me started about the grocery store. Sean absolutely refuses to shop with me anymore, and it's not as if I blame him, I wouldn't shop with myself if I didn't have to. The grocery store is like my own personal Bermuda Triangle, the second I walk in there, I am non existent. I end up getting stuck in aisles for ridiculously long periods of time because people just walk in font of me and crouch down to grab what they need, or reach down to switch songs on their mp3 player and walk right into me. I'll stand at the end of an aisle and a continuous line of carts will just keep passing me without letting me go ahead.
A couple days ago, I was grabbing some items, and a woman ahead of me parked her cart in the middle of the aisle. We were the only two in the particular aisle. She looked at me, and then looked at her cart and continued to grab things off the shelf. I edged closer to her cart, but I didn't want to move it myself because it was an awkward situation, what with her standing literally an inch away from it. I panicked and just stopped and pretended to be shopping until she left the aisle. I bought a can of tuna that I didn't need, just so that she didn't think I was crazy, which is so clearly ironic, because she wouldn't have noticed if I was laying down in front of her cart!!!
Invisibility isn't always such a bad thing though, I used to skip classes constantly in school without any repercussions. I never get stopped by those survey people or cell phone salesmen in the mall, and it's reassuring to know that I could probably have a lucrative career in the petty theft business if it was ever necessary.
I've been brainstorming ideas and I'm currently in the market for a bright orange hunting vest if anyone has one. Maybe that's why people are starting to get more and more eccentric. My theory is that Lady Gaga just got sick of freezing in the frozen food section and went nuts one day. It helps me feel less alone.
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