We are a weird people, in my not so humble opinion

I've never hosted a foreign exchange student, but sometimes I like to pretend that my four year old is just an inquisitive foreigner that I have to introduce our culture to... it's nice to switch things up a bit.

Truly though, I love that he asks the type of questions that force me to see how ridiculous some of my own practices and beliefs are. His questions even make me feel better about the things I've never understood about our culture, for instance, now I know I'm not the only one who wonders why high heels exist if they're not fun to walk in, or why all books don't have pictures in them.

I have always been driven to understand the "why" behind things. It makes me crazy when others don't share this personality trait, but then again, those people probably get a lot more sleep than I do (and will probably live a good ten years longer too). I'm glad that Kelan seems to be a natural "skeptic", even if it does make me crazy in an, oh-my-god-shut-up-and-just-do-it-already-don't-ask-why-just-obey!!! (Which is kind of what I imagine a lot of our politicians think to themselves....)

What all of this has so clearly been leading to is a list of things that I will never understand how to explain to him, all of these are things he's asked except for one (you can try to guess which). It's a list of things that I will never understand about our society.

1. People who are above the rules, in both large and small ways- and it's not the big stuff that gets to me, really. White collar crime? Murder? I can kind of wrap my brain around it. Mostly it's mental illness and narcissism, plain and simple. But the small stuff? Like cutting in front of me in line? Refusing to obey the rules of a four way stop? Jaywalking? That's the stuff that makes me want to pull a person aside and ask, "Why does everyone have to follow the rules but you? What makes you so special?"*

2. Breast implants- As a culture, we are so incredibly vain. I am not "against" breast implants or anything. Plastic surgery has its place.** But I've just never really understood it. The only time I think I could advise anyone to do it, is if they could honestly answer the following, "If after the surgery, you woke up to realize that you were the last person left on Earth, would you still do it?" Not that the procedure would cause the human race to die out, just that you could be absolutely sure that you were doing it for yourself and not anyone else. Because, I understand that we are visual creatures. I can appreciate beauty and symmetry, but whenever I see a pair of perfect, obviously fake breasts, all I can think, is that they look like that because somebody CUT THEM OPEN or otherwise shoved some sort of plastic-y liquid filled bags in there.

3. Over sized cars (and don't even get me started on mansions)- Do you own a Tahoe? An Excursion? Do you own an over sized pick up truck? I'm not judging you, but I do want to know why... because the only answer I will understand, is that you a) have six to sixteen kids to haul around, b) live in your large SUV, or c) haul large things daily. DAILY. Otherwise, I just can't quite see the reason. I'll still like you, I'll still be your friend (if you are not an asshole), but I'll ask you an endless stream of why questions, if that's okay.

4. Taxidermy- What? The hell? My sister recently made me watch this famous commercial on Youtube, which I replayed and laughed at about 500 times; But the commercial, combined with a local trip to a nature preserve really made me wonder about taxidermy. We've all (okay, maybe not everyone) stayed at that friend's cottage and had a creepy night's sleep under a large dead dear head with it's eyes staring at you. Or at the very least have come face to face with that large moose behind counter at Abercrombie and Fitch. Have you ever stopped to wonder why? My four year old and I have. Why would someone want a dead animal in their house? Why would another someone study the art of how to turn a dead animal into a permanently alive-looking dead animal? Does this not creep you out just a little? As far as I'm concerned, Jeffrey Dahmer tried that with people and that was frowned upon. It seems like just a small line to cross from a moose if you really think about it though...

5. Catch-and-release fishing- I'm not against hunting and fishing. I do think it's become a little perverted in modern time considering it used to be for life instead of for sport, but I understand hunting. I don't despise hunters or anything. What I don't quite get is catch-and-release fishing for "fun."  I mean, it has to be just a little bit of a power trip. Why do it? So that you can prove that fish can be tricked by your bait? It just makes me think of how strange it would be if I was walking along the street one day and grabbed a yummy doughnut to take a bite only to be pulled into who knows where, maimed, and then thrown back. I wonder if it causes some sort of food phobias in fish populations. I should study this.

So yeah. What have you had a hard time explaining to your foreign exchange student, child, self?


* Which is why I do not subscribe to helicopter parenting. Is there a better way to create entitlement issues? I can't think of one.

** (Insert bath salts/ face-eating reference here)

Um, content warning?

So, after a couple of years of people telling me that I *needed* to start watching that show "Weeds", I finally caved and checked it out on Netflix. Almost 5 stars! I got through half of the first season.

The result? Mild depression.

It wasn't the show in particular, I'm pretty sure "Weeds" was just the straw that broke this camel's back. Truth is, I'm usually all for dark comedies. I love television and cinema that can subtly (and humorously) point out that life is messy.

I guess, for me, the whole suburban-life-is-effed-up theme is just getting a little tired. American Beauty? Kind of cool. It was a newer concept back then. But now we have a TON of shows that portray affluent suburban life as seedy, scandalous, and even dangerous.

I've been giving this some thought lately, wondering why I had such a negative reaction, and then I took the topic to Sean (Who has been taking in every episode of Breaking Bad that he can get his hands (or would it be eyes?) on. His opinion, "You're giving this way too much thought, It's just entertainment."

Consider me jaded. Or old. Although I prefer disenchanted, by the whole genre. Because when Sean said that, I immediately thought, Forgive me if I'm not "entertained" by the idea of a mother slipping her middle-schooler laxatives because she considers her fat. Or for not understanding the idea of a mother walking in on her fifteen year old having sex with his girlfriend and then sighing, as if she is just mildly bothered. You know, because her son is that precocious type-- the new Hollywood version of witty, adult-kid.

GAG.

So, at the risk of being "uncool," I'm over it. The only thing I find myself thinking about that show is, Why does she need to be a drug dealer to keep up her lifestyle? Geez, I could solve her problem in a week. Sell your McMansion, move, and live within your means? Not great TV, but in my opinion, neither is watching a 30 something year old man have cybersex with a teenager, only to have it laughed off.

So, Two final points to Hollywood.

1) Get over this marijuana obsession. Anyone over the age of 25 that owns and is proud of a bong? Needs to rethink some life choices.

2) Even though the economy sucks, It doesn't make me feel any better to see that it sucks for the poor little rich people too.

This might have come off more angry that I wanted...

Discuss?