This is a conversation that Sean and I had at the dinner table tonight, without any hint of emotion-- it was all very matter of fact.
Sean: There's scotch tape in your hair.
Me: I know, I couldn't find a bobby pin.
Sean: Oh.
Showing posts with label Uh- Misc?. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Uh- Misc?. Show all posts
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
It's like the universe knows when I need something to blog about
I was a hero once.
Fine, so I use the term "hero" loosely.
Back when I lived at "that crazy party house" (as I've heard it referred to) my roommates and I had some pretty wild adventures. One of my favorite (because as mentioned above, I totally saved the day) is the bat story.
Once upon a warm summer evening, I was awoken by a frantic person in my doorway talking about some bird flying in her room. I wish I could say that I jumped out of bed and ran to the spot immediately, but in such a house as this one was, I can't even admit that I was surprised. What was surprising, is that when I finally dragged myself out of bed and saw that there was a bat in my roommate's bedroom (just hanging all upside down, looking at us like, "what?") there was not a guy to be found. But of course on any other given night when they were useless, they could be found crashing on any surface.
And it's also no surprise that there was a bat inside. It's not like our slumlord made sure there were screens anywhere, and people tended to just open windows anyway for some reason (well actually there were many reasons, I mean you need a place to crawl out of to sit on the roof at 2 am obviously).
Anyway, what the hell to do, right? So it's close to four am, and three of us girls just stared at each other spouting out crazy ideas, and I have absolutely no idea what was said, but I imagine it went something like this....
'What are we going to do?'
'I don't know, don't they like, bite and scratch people?'
'Sarah, you do this, you are the animal person'
'Guys! I heard something about using a tennis racket'
'I don't want rabies!!!'
'Wait, what do we do with the tennis racket?'
'Did it just move!? I think it just moved!!!'
That is when Sarah got brave and decided to just go for it. She put us on bat watch and disappeared for awhile. When she came back, it was priceless. In fact, I brought my camera out and took pictures (and if I had a scanner and wasn't lazy I would totally post them here). Anyway, she had on: a winter hat, some one's goggles from a college lab class, a scarf, a sweater, an apron, and winter gloves. How she found all of this so quickly in the middle of summer remains a mystery, but she was brave enough to get a chair and pose for a pic in front of the upside down bat. But just as she was slowly reaching a gloved hand towards it....it started to frantically fly around the room.
And there was screaming. And running.
I think we shut the door and sat outside of it for a good ten minutes, and I'm pretty sure someone actually did grab a tennis racket by the way.
Eventually we peeked in the door. And it had settled down in it's favorite little weird place on the door frame. And I got brave. I don't remember if I put the goggles on, but I did put a glove on and I still can't believe I did this, but I courageously* walked over to the chair, grabbed the bat in my gloved hand, sprinted to the window, and tossed it out. Then there was more screaming.
And we all went to bed the end.
***
I guess I was reminded of this story today, when I woke up at (oddly 4 am) and saw the cats freaking out in Kelan's room when I went to check on him. Then something whizzed by my head.
This time I let Sean be the hero. I made some oatmeal while he wandered in and out of the kitchen every once in awhile bringing random things up with him (a broom, a garbage bag ((which totally made me think of that episode of The Office)), even a pizza box) I think the kicker is that the same kid who wakes up when I am downstairs unloading the dishwasher, slept through all of this commotion.
Anyway. Bat#2 is gone, I'm convinced we all have rabies though.
Send a CDC rep.
*The kind of courage that can only come from a night with domestic canned beer and off-brand vodka
Fine, so I use the term "hero" loosely.
Back when I lived at "that crazy party house" (as I've heard it referred to) my roommates and I had some pretty wild adventures. One of my favorite (because as mentioned above, I totally saved the day) is the bat story.
Once upon a warm summer evening, I was awoken by a frantic person in my doorway talking about some bird flying in her room. I wish I could say that I jumped out of bed and ran to the spot immediately, but in such a house as this one was, I can't even admit that I was surprised. What was surprising, is that when I finally dragged myself out of bed and saw that there was a bat in my roommate's bedroom (just hanging all upside down, looking at us like, "what?") there was not a guy to be found. But of course on any other given night when they were useless, they could be found crashing on any surface.
And it's also no surprise that there was a bat inside. It's not like our slumlord made sure there were screens anywhere, and people tended to just open windows anyway for some reason (well actually there were many reasons, I mean you need a place to crawl out of to sit on the roof at 2 am obviously).
Anyway, what the hell to do, right? So it's close to four am, and three of us girls just stared at each other spouting out crazy ideas, and I have absolutely no idea what was said, but I imagine it went something like this....
'What are we going to do?'
'I don't know, don't they like, bite and scratch people?'
'Sarah, you do this, you are the animal person'
'Guys! I heard something about using a tennis racket'
'I don't want rabies!!!'
'Wait, what do we do with the tennis racket?'
'Did it just move!? I think it just moved!!!'
That is when Sarah got brave and decided to just go for it. She put us on bat watch and disappeared for awhile. When she came back, it was priceless. In fact, I brought my camera out and took pictures (and if I had a scanner and wasn't lazy I would totally post them here). Anyway, she had on: a winter hat, some one's goggles from a college lab class, a scarf, a sweater, an apron, and winter gloves. How she found all of this so quickly in the middle of summer remains a mystery, but she was brave enough to get a chair and pose for a pic in front of the upside down bat. But just as she was slowly reaching a gloved hand towards it....it started to frantically fly around the room.
And there was screaming. And running.
I think we shut the door and sat outside of it for a good ten minutes, and I'm pretty sure someone actually did grab a tennis racket by the way.
Eventually we peeked in the door. And it had settled down in it's favorite little weird place on the door frame. And I got brave. I don't remember if I put the goggles on, but I did put a glove on and I still can't believe I did this, but I courageously* walked over to the chair, grabbed the bat in my gloved hand, sprinted to the window, and tossed it out. Then there was more screaming.
And we all went to bed the end.
***
I guess I was reminded of this story today, when I woke up at (oddly 4 am) and saw the cats freaking out in Kelan's room when I went to check on him. Then something whizzed by my head.
This time I let Sean be the hero. I made some oatmeal while he wandered in and out of the kitchen every once in awhile bringing random things up with him (a broom, a garbage bag ((which totally made me think of that episode of The Office)), even a pizza box) I think the kicker is that the same kid who wakes up when I am downstairs unloading the dishwasher, slept through all of this commotion.
Anyway. Bat#2 is gone, I'm convinced we all have rabies though.
Send a CDC rep.
*The kind of courage that can only come from a night with domestic canned beer and off-brand vodka
Friday, June 10, 2011
Yep.This really is my life.
There is a good reason that I am not a nurse. Actually there are several. It turns out that in my old age, I am not very fond of vomit or blood or feces or... touching people. I've heard many parents say, "Oh, it is SO different when it is your child." Um not for this girl. I've yet to pick up a dirty kleenex or change a diaper and feel the love. Mostly, it is just a lot of dry heaving.
I had to take Kelan to the pediatrician this week. Again. Because he has had a sinus infection that keeps coming back. He woke up with a fever and I just made an appointment. It's actually pretty cool not to have a baby anymore. I've learned all of the fun tricks now. Instead of being the "good client" and asking for a nurse, I just call the scheduling department and tell them I want him to be seen. Before, I would always sweetly ask for a nurse who would give me a hundred question quiz before telling me to schedule an appointment (It's the parent/nurse equivilant of that IT department that you have to first go through that asks you if your computer isn't working because you forgot to plug it in or turn it on). Let me tell you, they always do end up telling you to schedule, because they don't want to be the one who gets sued if a kid dies.
So anyway, I took him in and enjoyed the awesomeness that is trying to occupy a three-year-old in a 5 by 5 room. Which, on a side note, is even worse than it was for parents a generation ago, because now they have stopped putting toys anywhere because GERMS! and THE FLU! and DEATH!!!!! Apparently they are all against kids building immunities these days.
Just at about the point where I'm about to sneak out and pretend I was never there, the pediatrician comes in. I really like ours because she is good at acting like everything happens all the time. I swear we could bring him in bleeding out of the ears and she would calmly say, "Ah, yeah, I've seen this a hundred times, my kids had it twice, here's your script!" She looked up his nose and declared that it was a sinus infection.
But just when I was ready to tell her which Walgreens and run away, she totally threw me for a loop, "Does he pee on command?" she asked, "I think I'm going to take a urine sample just in case." Uhhhh. and before I could say "Come again?" a nurse was at the door. She thrust a cup in my hand and says "Ok, we'll just need a small sample, and make sure to and I quote, 'wipe the tip' with an antibacterial wipe beforehand" (she was very cheery about the whole ordeal), and then she just walked away. SHE WALKED AWAY!!!
And once again, I'm starting to research child psychiatrists because I'm sure he is scarred for life by the experience. Actually it wasn't so bad. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor and bribed him with a popsicle, everything was fine. I even made it through that awkward moment standing outside of a bathroom holding urine praying that I don't give it to the wrong nurse. (When will they learn to stick around a bathroom?)
Once again. These are the things they leave out of the "What to Expect" books.
I had to take Kelan to the pediatrician this week. Again. Because he has had a sinus infection that keeps coming back. He woke up with a fever and I just made an appointment. It's actually pretty cool not to have a baby anymore. I've learned all of the fun tricks now. Instead of being the "good client" and asking for a nurse, I just call the scheduling department and tell them I want him to be seen. Before, I would always sweetly ask for a nurse who would give me a hundred question quiz before telling me to schedule an appointment (It's the parent/nurse equivilant of that IT department that you have to first go through that asks you if your computer isn't working because you forgot to plug it in or turn it on). Let me tell you, they always do end up telling you to schedule, because they don't want to be the one who gets sued if a kid dies.
So anyway, I took him in and enjoyed the awesomeness that is trying to occupy a three-year-old in a 5 by 5 room. Which, on a side note, is even worse than it was for parents a generation ago, because now they have stopped putting toys anywhere because GERMS! and THE FLU! and DEATH!!!!! Apparently they are all against kids building immunities these days.
Just at about the point where I'm about to sneak out and pretend I was never there, the pediatrician comes in. I really like ours because she is good at acting like everything happens all the time. I swear we could bring him in bleeding out of the ears and she would calmly say, "Ah, yeah, I've seen this a hundred times, my kids had it twice, here's your script!" She looked up his nose and declared that it was a sinus infection.
But just when I was ready to tell her which Walgreens and run away, she totally threw me for a loop, "Does he pee on command?" she asked, "I think I'm going to take a urine sample just in case." Uhhhh. and before I could say "Come again?" a nurse was at the door. She thrust a cup in my hand and says "Ok, we'll just need a small sample, and make sure to and I quote, 'wipe the tip' with an antibacterial wipe beforehand" (she was very cheery about the whole ordeal), and then she just walked away. SHE WALKED AWAY!!!
And once again, I'm starting to research child psychiatrists because I'm sure he is scarred for life by the experience. Actually it wasn't so bad. Once I picked my jaw up off the floor and bribed him with a popsicle, everything was fine. I even made it through that awkward moment standing outside of a bathroom holding urine praying that I don't give it to the wrong nurse. (When will they learn to stick around a bathroom?)
Once again. These are the things they leave out of the "What to Expect" books.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
This week so far in bullets- The fun, the strange, and the just plain sad.
The fun!
House is on the market! - I've been working my butt off to meet this goal since I got home. After several weeks of endless laundry, organizing, and more binge cleaning than I can ever file under "emotionally healthy", it's finally looking great. I am excited, but strangely empty. Now what will I do with myself?
The nice weather is back! And you doubted me. Perfect for rolling around in the leaves and photo shoots with pumpkins...cliche pics coming soon.
The strange
I started having that recurring dream about fish out of water again, I'll give a dollar to anyone who can let me know how to remedy this- it's driving me nuts. So far I've tried insomnia, but let's face it, that can really only work for so long until I start putting the phone in the freezer and forgetting the day of the week.
Um, so I'm not sure who has been teaching Kelan this one- and not that I'm judging any one's ability to spend quality time with him when I'm not around, but two nights ago Kelan and I were in the basement having a little dance party and he totally started dancing with the pole/support beam? So just a quick note to all of my trusted child care "village" -I'm watching you. And I gave his picture to all of the gentleman's clubs in our area so he will no longer be welcome thankyouverymuch.
The just plain sad
Sean and I got in an argument earlier this week which prompted him to hop in my car on an angry run to the gas station for a Diet Pepsi. A while later I got a sheepish call that he "accidentally" backed my car into a pole (what is it with these boys and poles?) I don't think it takes Freud to unravel this one. Obviously it had something to do with his childhood. Or the phallic stage. Or both. But probably the fact that we had just gotten into a fight and he is passive aggressive like that. Just kidding. I forgive you Sean.
Kelan is getting over a cold. He has been awesomely irritable! Last night Sean and I finally had enough and took him to a Fastcare assuming it was an ear infection or something. No such luck. I guess he is just a two year old.
House is on the market! - I've been working my butt off to meet this goal since I got home. After several weeks of endless laundry, organizing, and more binge cleaning than I can ever file under "emotionally healthy", it's finally looking great. I am excited, but strangely empty. Now what will I do with myself?
The nice weather is back! And you doubted me. Perfect for rolling around in the leaves and photo shoots with pumpkins...cliche pics coming soon.
The strange
I started having that recurring dream about fish out of water again, I'll give a dollar to anyone who can let me know how to remedy this- it's driving me nuts. So far I've tried insomnia, but let's face it, that can really only work for so long until I start putting the phone in the freezer and forgetting the day of the week.
Um, so I'm not sure who has been teaching Kelan this one- and not that I'm judging any one's ability to spend quality time with him when I'm not around, but two nights ago Kelan and I were in the basement having a little dance party and he totally started dancing with the pole/support beam? So just a quick note to all of my trusted child care "village" -I'm watching you. And I gave his picture to all of the gentleman's clubs in our area so he will no longer be welcome thankyouverymuch.
The just plain sad
Sean and I got in an argument earlier this week which prompted him to hop in my car on an angry run to the gas station for a Diet Pepsi. A while later I got a sheepish call that he "accidentally" backed my car into a pole (what is it with these boys and poles?) I don't think it takes Freud to unravel this one. Obviously it had something to do with his childhood. Or the phallic stage. Or both. But probably the fact that we had just gotten into a fight and he is passive aggressive like that. Just kidding. I forgive you Sean.
Kelan is getting over a cold. He has been awesomely irritable! Last night Sean and I finally had enough and took him to a Fastcare assuming it was an ear infection or something. No such luck. I guess he is just a two year old.
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