In which Kelan shows his love for all things taxidermic

I'm a fan of the outdoors. Give me a lake and a fire pit and I'm cool. When I was Kelan's age, vacations were road trips. Every summer my parents would pack us into a bright yellow station wagon and drive us to Montana and Wyoming for a camping trip that was anywhere from 2-6 weeks long. We'd sleep in tents, hike, and swim. My brother and sister and I would "explore" for hours and hours. It was kind of wild. When my parents were sick of us they would tell us to go play, or try to sell us on an adventure. My dad would send us off on elaborate scavenger hunts. I will never forget the hours and hours we wasted trying to find a venus fly trap in the mountains.

Now that I am a parent of a preschooler and have some insight into vacationing with kids, I have come to the conclusion that my parents must have been out of their damn minds to take three small kids on a road trip across the country. I can survive an hour and a half in the car with Kelan before I start praying for temporary deafness.

This past weekend Sean, Kelan, and I took a weekend long trip to an indoor waterpark with my sister and her family. We got back yesterday and as with every vacation since Kelan was born, I am now in need of some sort of sensory deprivation experience. Not that I blame Kelan, he's just a three year old like any other. Instead I blame my parents, for making me think that vacations were meant to be outside, in quiet, not-crowded places, where strangers are fully clothed. Mostly.

Now, I tend to get overstimulated fairly easily. I have a hard time being in new places with a lot of people while also having to perform challenging mental tasks, such as forming sentences or thoughts, and forget about making a decision. I tend to just shut down. If you ever want a funny* example, just ask Sean about our famous nursing bra shopping expedition, or how awesome it is to stand in line next to me at Subway.

Stick with me, I have a point here somewhere.... oh yeah! Enter Wilderness Waterpark Resort. When my sister invited us two or three months ago to come with, I was excited. I knew Kelan would love it! However, in my head it looked something like this:




Except you know... inside.

In real life, it was this:


Times three, because there were three different parks and an Indoor playground attached to an arcade. And to be fair, this picture can not depict the volume of a hundred kids yelling over rushing water.**

Add to all of this: my raging insecurities, a bikini (because I'm a masochist), and a million ways for a kid to drown...and you have me in a constant state of fight or flight. Friday night I made Sean brave the crowds alone because I had "some unpacking to do." Saturday morning, I got courageous, donned my suit and trudged the mile and a half of hotel hallway (I'm not exaggerating, that place is freaking huge) and that's when I walked in and saw this:

for the first time. 30 minutes later, after the Valium (that I promptly ran back up to the room for) kicked in, I was only mildly paralyzed and had some fun with Kelan in the wave pool. And, spoiler alert--nobody drowned.

Hyperbole aside, It was nice to get away from home, and Kelan really did enjoy himself. I hope we haven't set his vacation expectations too high though, because we will go camping sometime soon, and I don't know how to sell sleeping in a tent after the indoor "wilderness" experience.

My favorite pictures of the weekend in which Kelan got up and started dancing next to a stuffed bear in one of the three hundred lobbies:

(and no, we don't tell him to pose, he embarrasses me in public without any guidance, and Sean likes to memorialize anything that embarrasses me)

My favorite moment of the weekend: Kelan having a temper tantrum in the middle of the hotel hallway while wearing nothing but a pull-up (on backwards). He was screaming- "NO DON'T TAKE ME WITH YOU! I WANT TO GO BACK TO THE WATER!!!" Good times.


*Not at all funny


** This picture was taken on Sunday morning-- Mother's day, so it was the least crowded it got.