And after we brought the guns and booze back to the car, they let us pick some apples.

Because it's fall. And that's what all the cool parents do.

And I wanted to get a posed picture of Kelan but he wasn't game. He just wanted to dance.

And I couldn't justify punishing him for not wanting to pose for a picture. So I just gave up and rage-tickled him.

And even though I had 14 panic attacks, I couldn't stop him from double fisting pesticidey apples.

So Sean threatened to throw him in with this really hairy bull thing. And he finally started bahaving himself.

Except during the hayride when he went and sat next to some random woman and held her hand. But we didn't get pictures of that because I was too busy being mortified. And Sean was too busy laughing.

On second thought, this is exactly what I would expect from someone who shares my genetic make up

I don't even know how to preface this randomness, so I'll just sum it up as "stuff from last week."





Another daycare art project. I was in the middle of telling Kelan how cool it was when I noticed the upper left hand corner. I'm no child psychologist, but this seems worrisome...

Above is the book that Kelan picked out during the last trip to the library. It was most likely just a random pick, but I like to think of it as an enlightened choice.

Also! Kelan has been into fairy tales as of late. I am amazed at how often I have to ad-lib for content, which is hard because I am very anti-censorship, but geez! I was reading "Hansel and Gretel" the other night and I had totally forgotten (or blocked out?) the fact that Hansel and Gretel were actually purposely abandoned in the forest by there parents-- the first idea their parents talked about? killing them off.

Um, content warning?

So, after a couple of years of people telling me that I *needed* to start watching that show "Weeds", I finally caved and checked it out on Netflix. Almost 5 stars! I got through half of the first season.

The result? Mild depression.

It wasn't the show in particular, I'm pretty sure "Weeds" was just the straw that broke this camel's back. Truth is, I'm usually all for dark comedies. I love television and cinema that can subtly (and humorously) point out that life is messy.

I guess, for me, the whole suburban-life-is-effed-up theme is just getting a little tired. American Beauty? Kind of cool. It was a newer concept back then. But now we have a TON of shows that portray affluent suburban life as seedy, scandalous, and even dangerous.

I've been giving this some thought lately, wondering why I had such a negative reaction, and then I took the topic to Sean (Who has been taking in every episode of Breaking Bad that he can get his hands (or would it be eyes?) on. His opinion, "You're giving this way too much thought, It's just entertainment."

Consider me jaded. Or old. Although I prefer disenchanted, by the whole genre. Because when Sean said that, I immediately thought, Forgive me if I'm not "entertained" by the idea of a mother slipping her middle-schooler laxatives because she considers her fat. Or for not understanding the idea of a mother walking in on her fifteen year old having sex with his girlfriend and then sighing, as if she is just mildly bothered. You know, because her son is that precocious type-- the new Hollywood version of witty, adult-kid.

GAG.

So, at the risk of being "uncool," I'm over it. The only thing I find myself thinking about that show is, Why does she need to be a drug dealer to keep up her lifestyle? Geez, I could solve her problem in a week. Sell your McMansion, move, and live within your means? Not great TV, but in my opinion, neither is watching a 30 something year old man have cybersex with a teenager, only to have it laughed off.

So, Two final points to Hollywood.

1) Get over this marijuana obsession. Anyone over the age of 25 that owns and is proud of a bong? Needs to rethink some life choices.

2) Even though the economy sucks, It doesn't make me feel any better to see that it sucks for the poor little rich people too.

This might have come off more angry that I wanted...

Discuss?

Don't become friends with that cigarette, kids - He will cut you.

It's not every day that your husband turns to you and says, "I feel the need to warn you that I might try to strangle you in your sleep."

But that's life these days.

Sean and I are both trying to give up some vices. Because, now that our second child is indefinitely on hold, we figure we will just have to be healthy and live longer... lest there be canes present at any high school graduations.

Sean is trying to stop smoking when he gets stressed, and I'm trying to give up my addiction to refined sugars.

We are trying our best to support each other, but regardless, it's been a bit chaotic 'round here.

Sean is trying that drug Chantix, which apparently has some weird possible side effects*. I am trying to stop my willful ignorance of calorie intake, because, a calorie is NOT a calorie, is not a calorie...or so I'm told. And we are both researching the best ways to get rid of our bad habits.

Which brings me to this:

This is our newest refrigerator art; It sent Kelan's self portrait packing. It's a quitting aid for smokers. This is one of those things that I read, and instantly want to meet the author. The document is entitled, "Your 'friend' the cigarette" and features a list of comparisons between a smoking habit, and a terrible friend.

The comparisons start off innocent,

"How do you feel about a friend that must go everywhere you do?"

Then it gets serious,

"How do you feel about a friend that burns holes in your clothes and has even been known to burn down a house?"

Huh... that's a weird friend...

Then it gets downright scary,

"How do you feel about a friend that carries an arsenal of poisons with him, and every chance he gets, he makes you sick?"

Wow.

And, this is the one that sent me over the edge, into funny visuals and uncontrollable laughter,

"How do you feel about a friend who has been plotting your death since the first time you met?"

Umm. Holy crap. Nicotine is a dick!!!

Every time I walk past this, I giggle to myself. The first thing I thought of was taking a picture of a cigarette somehow wielding a knife next to Sean's pillow when he was sleeping, and hanging that on the refrigerator next to it..but that might send the wrong message regarding my support of his quitting.

Or would it?

*And strangling people in your sleep is not even the weirdest one, by the way.

Boom, smited!

Photographic proof that GOD will smite you if you aren't nice to me...

I am still amused by a conversation I had with my sister ten minutes before we were hit with a huge storm that had trees down on every block in my neighborhood:

Sarah: Is it supposed to rain today?

Me: I'm not sure, the icon on my iPod shows some clouds and a lightening bolt, but usually when I click on it, there is only like a 10% chance of rain, so... who knows.

Sarah: Hmmm

Ten minutes after I hung up the phone, the tornado sirens were going off. I was baffled, but the sky had turned a blackish color all of the sudden. The power went out before I could get any actual weather info and suddenly realized how much I depend on the radar pictures, because I started yearning for just a couple minutes of that super arrogant weatherman who gets off on pointing at pictures of green and red blobs and manically shouts about "rotation" and "wall clouds."

I was sitting in the dark basement wondering how serious the threat of a tornado was and being all bitter that the internet was down when I remembered a conversation that Sean and I had at a hardware store once. I sort of remember Sean pointing down an aisle and saying that we should have some "weather preparedness kit" with a radio and stuff like that, but all I could see when I looked at him was an old man blabbering about needing more cardigans and another charger for his Hoveround so I freaked out and may have told him that weather radios were for pansies.

Next I heard a crash upstairs, and decided that it was either a tree falling on my house or the cats messing around upstairs and shrugged, jamming my earphones in my ears and turning on my latest audiobook-- sort of like how I turn the radio up in my car to drown out all of the weird noises it makes when it's about to die.

Thankfully, there was no major damage. As it turns out, the top of one of the huge trees in our yard had broken off and fallen between our yard and our neighbors (who coincidentally NEVER say hi to me), bringing down a power line and smashing some of their brand new fancy landscaping. The first thing that Sean said when I told him a tree was down was, "Please tell me it fell on your car, did it fall on your car?"

The next two days were a blur of realizing how underrated electricity is, and then being soooo grateful that "an act of GOD" prevented us for having to pay for any damage.

And I guess all that's left to say is, you've been warned...

Vacation...

was awesome and it ended way too soon. August has been a wild month and I vow to officially start to cram in all of the activities that I should have been spreading throughout the summer. Here's to squeezing every last drop of sunshine out of this Wisconsin weather before winter hits and I lose my mind!

Oh!!! And our realtor decided to move across the country, giving us a whole weeks notice. So our house is officially off the market for the time being--you know what that means!! Yep, more time for me to wander aimlessly around office supply stores smelling new erasers and wishing that I had a use for .25 folders. Perhaps Spring?

P.S. This kid LOVES water...

Kelan's cousins on Sean's side-- too cute!

Sort of like that one movie, except without hooker.

Sean is off this week and he's been at a cottage with Kelan and some extended family. I am leaving to join them today. Basically I have been left to my own devices for the past couple days. Before Sean and Kelan left, I pictured my time alone being exciting-- all, Risky Buisness -like (Only, I've never actually seen that movie but for that one scene with the underwear and the dancing) Anyway, reality was much less exciting. Basically my house is cleaner than it was and my head is full of funny quotes from The Office because I watched a couple seasons.

Anyway, I'll update with vacation pics next week. Before I go though, I would like to share one of my favorite Michael Scott quotes. It's from that episode where Michael denounces technology and delivers gift baskets to past clients in order to win them back. Here is what he says after he drives into a lake upon GPS instruction:

"Everyone always wants new things. Everybody likes new inventions, new technology. People will never be replaced by machines. In the end, life and business are about human connections. And computers are about trying to murder you in a lake. And to me, the choice is easy."

Couldn't have said it better myself.



**I just googled Risky Business. It Sounds like his weekend was way more fun than mine and now I'm depressed. Also, I'm totally changing the title of this post.