This is why I should really blog less often

So, fun fact- I am strangely fascinated by Aaron Neville's voice. I have been since childhood. Every time I hear a song by him on the radio or in a store I get really excited. I have even mastered an impression that you are welcome to hear (after one too many drinks, that is).

I dare you-DARE you to listen to one of his songs and not be mystified...

Hmmm, just me then?

I've never actually purchased any music by Aaron Neville, but that's all going to change soon because, guess what?- He has a Christmas cd! I'm sorry but I have no choice but to believe that it is fate that Sean was singing an Aaron Neville song out of the blue yesterday, and that I decided to play the demo on iTunes to show him how off key he was, and that I stumbled upon an entire list of Christmas songs TWO MONTHS before Christmas!

Fate.

I get giddy just thinking of all the car rides this holiday season. Picture it, the fam and I, driving along and me singing (loudly) to these songs.

iTunes calls his voice soulful- I call it irresistible.

Oh Holy niiiiiiieeeeeiiiiiiiieeeeeiiiiiight........

Don't call it a comeback

Alright people, time for round two. I'm psyched! I can't wait to have to clean the house meticulously, vacate at a moments notice, and take all sorts of negative criticism on my home!!! It is SUPERFANTASTIC!


I'm a little jaded. We've been trying to unload this money pit sell our beautiful house off and on since January of 2008. Turns out, someone really lucked out when they found Sean and I... we were just the right kind of crazy to believe in the "charm" of the place.


Actually, I really do love this house, and if I had a ton of money, I'd maybe remodel the crap out of it to make it more practical, but I don't, and that's just the problem- it would take a LOT of money.


As it turns out, everything that made Sean and I fall in love with the house to begin with is making us want to get rid of it, and also keeping other people from wanting to buy it.


Let's see,


That beautiful wooded ravine in our backyard? Gorgeous to look at, death-trapish for a young child.


Those lovely old windows full of character? A heating nightmare.


That quaint wood burning fireplace in the living room? Lets so much smoke in the house that Kelan has a major asthma attack whenever we even think about starting a fire.


This adorable established neighborhood that is so full of character and has a big city feel? Apparently most Wisconsinites need garages these days. Babies.

So are we putting our house on the market this week? Yeah.

Do I have a lot of hope that it will sell soon? Umm... not so much.

It's okay though, I really do love this house. Just not enough to want to live in it anymore.

Quarry Quest

A.K.A. Kelan's idea of heaven

What? I'm not defensive.

Look at the face of this poor neglected child. Sally Struthers will probably be knocking on our door soon. *

I've been in denial (a little) about the cooler weather approaching. I mean, this is just the cold snap before the Indian summer, obviously.

For a third time, yesterday, someone at the daycare casually mentioned that I forgot Kelan's coat. Temps here have been averaging highs of 60-70 degrees. Okay, usually low sixties. (Which, by the way, is shorts weather in the spring but apparently parka weather in the fall) It's not that the daycare employees have ever been rude in any way, I'm pretty sure they just assume that I'm some misguided teen mom.

Usually I arrive at daycare and search for him on the playground. Then I freak out because he isn't there, and finally see that he is, I just didn't recognize him in a faded, way-too-small sweatshirt from the "community" bin. It's all downhill from there.

Child care technician: (smiling sweetly) "Oh, hi there! We come out here to play every day- the kids love it! Just so you know, we are out each day that the weather is above 30 degrees, so we encourage parents to bring hats, gloves, you know, the works."

Me: (Look down and notice I am still wearing flip flops and a tee shirt- it's not cold- is it?) "Oh, I'm sorry, thanks for the loaner!"

They have given me that speech twice already.

Yesterday, I just lied. LIED,

Daycare tech: "Bye Kelan! Tell your mommy you had a great time playing outside except your coat wasn't in your cubby!"

Side note: Does anyone else think it's more than weird when people talk to your child like that? I never know if they are expecting me to answer, or if they were even talking to Kelan at all.

Me: (laugh awkwardly) Yeah, sorry. I must have left it in the car. (In my defense, I did throw a knit hat in the bag, so it's not like he was freezing to death in the 59 degree weather.)

(What I wanted to say but didn't, because not everyone gets my sense of humor)- Yeah, gosh, I told him he was going to be cold! He was on my lap on the drive over and I told him he couldn't steer this time because last time we kept hitting things, and he got all sassy and chucked his coat out the window! I finally got him to stop whining by putting some rum in the sippy cup, so at least he was all calm for you guys! Don't worry, when I unlock the door after his timeout I will totally make him walk back and pick up his coat.

* I don't know which is more pathetic: The fact that Sean and I have yet to shop for a single piece of Kelan's fall wardrobe, or the fact that I have been sharing mine with him.

Please remind me of this at the end of January...

...when I am scraping the windshield and praying that Sean gets transferred to a place that has never seen snow.

Last Sunday was the most gorgeous day. Fall in Wisconsin is my absolute favorite. I think of leaves, and picking apples, and carving pumpkins, making soup, buying sweaters...I feel all euphoric just thinking about it.

Anyway, we took advantage of the weather and took a walk on the trail by the river. It was sweet. Kelan got to ride his bike and look for sticks and bugs. I tried to capture the moment and store it up for the loooooong winter days ahead.

Kelan trying to feed the Wooly bear caterpillar.

Sleep is for suckers

I've been having a little trouble with sleep lately. As in, it's rare.


Instead of whining about how annoying it is to wake up at 2, stare at the ceiling for an hour, crawl out of bed at 3 every morning and try to function until 9:30 p.m. (that's right I go to bed at a geriatric hour these days), I thought I'd have some fun, and let you in on my top ten favorite things to do between 3:00 and 8:00 a.m.


Okay, I meant in addition to whining about it.


Here goes:


10) Research how to cure insomnia- and then blatantly ignore the advice, because come on! No caffeine after 11:00 a.m.? Do they know how tired I am? And give up chocolate? Pass.


9) Fight with myself about whether or not I should be eating. I mean, technically it's not breakfast yet, and I'm adding an extra meal into my day if I start eating pre-breakfast...those muffins are really good, but if I had one I'd want coffee and who drinks coffee at this hour? Seriously, this one can take me half an hour.


8) Think really deep thoughts. Just Kidding. Usually I start thinking about something that seems profound and then forget what I was just thinking, because if I have learned anything, it's that sleep and complete thoughts are highly correlated.


7) Catch up on the trashiest TV out there. Time normal people spend REMing is time wasted considering how much more trashy TV could be watched. Shows that were not worth my time previously, are now fitting into my schedule. Which reminds me, I think I caught an STI from watching Jersey Shore this season. I should get that checked out.



6) Think of ways to annoy you. That's right, I totally think of things I can blog about. (well, until #8 kicks in).



5) Google like a crazy person. You know when you are wondering something, and you could look it up but it doesn't really seem life or death? I just save it all up in my head for my 3-8 time now. I have learned SO much! Here are some of my googles this week. "What is the lifespan of a monarch?", "which Baldwin brother is in Backdraft?" and "Are they ever going to make a movie out of Perks of Being a Wallflower?" I learned how to use search engines during the ask jeeves hype... I have never quite grown out of it.


4) Think of the places I could go at 3am. And then stay home, because I'm too lazy to get dressed. One of these days though, I am going to see what the grocery store is like at 3:30, and who does their laundry at 4:00a.m. at that 24 hour place. Cause, why not?


3) Read. Retain nothing. (see#8)


2) Listen for strange noises. Then wonder if the house is haunted. Google "How to know if your house is haunted"


1) Watch the neighbors Rear Window-style. Seriously, it's more interesting than you'd think. There are crazies in my neighborhood that wake up (ON PURPOSE) at 4:30 in the morning to go running. I need to make sure that if they go postal, and the police ask me about it, I can let them in on the reason. Also, if it weren't for insomnia, I would never have known that the neighbor woman sneaks out at 6:00a.m. and buries liquor bottles in her recycling. (Actually, this one is kind of disturbing and I wish I could go back to blissful ignorance).



So, I'm getting tired of most of these and I could use some fresh ideas. What do you do when you can't sleep?

This is where I draw the line, insanely wealthy people.

Ummmm.... I don't even really know how to start this.

I mean, I guess it's no secret that Sean and I aren't upper crust. The signs are everywhere... Our summer house is totally just a tent and even then it's, you know, only for that one weekend. Sometimes we drink wine out of champagne glasses. I have never put premium gasoline in any vehicle, ever. Probably the most obvious sign, (because our porch isn't big enough for an old couch) is the fact that we use ice cube trays. ice cube trays. That's right, our refrigerator doesn't magically spit out perfectly shaped cubes of ice. Wrap your brain around that for a second.

Here is where I'm going with this; Yesterday, I got a catalog in the mail. It was for a children's clothing store called Marie-Chantal (tag line-beautiful clothes for beautiful children). I paged through it, looking at the adorable blonde haired, blue eyed babies wearing cardigans and pea coats and thought, "aww how cute (in a Stepford sort of way)." Then my eyes wandered over to the prices.


HOLY HELL!

I had to squint to make sure I saw them right.

Because, wow.

Okay. I am all for splurging at Gap Baby if I see a cute little hat or sweater, but here is where I vomit in my mouth a little; $148.00 for a pair of flats. FOR A PRESCHOOLER. $416.00 for a "skating coat"!!! Because, we all know that kids never grow, and they definitely don't kick off their shoes while riding in the stroller somewhere between Macy's and that day spa.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not looking to start a political debate here. I'm just having a little fun over the fact that something Sean or I did this past year made this company think that we were worthy of their catalog.

BUT... In my humble opinion, if theoretically you have the choice between buying a 3 year old a four hundred dollar coat, or putting money toward feeding an entire village of people in a third world country?...

Just sayin'

This is probably why most doctors recommend more than four hours of sleep a night

Ever had one of those days?

You know, that one day where you couldn't sleep past 3:30 and decided to eat a breakfast of stale Oreos in front of the show Hoarders? And even though you had been up since 3:30, you didn't drag yourself into the shower until 6:00 and everything took you seven times longer than normal? Then after that, you had to drop your screaming kid off at daycare to make it 10 minutes late to an appointment and you almost turned around on the way because he was all, "I'm sad....I don't want to go....I'll miss you...please don't make me go to drop-in!" but then you realized that you had to go to the appointment, and turning around would only perpetuate his separation anxiety?

Ever had one of those days where you really, really needed your toddler to nap and just as soon as he fell asleep, the neighbors had a huge, loud truck pull in and unload people to shout to each other and pound on the roof for 3 hours? And 5 minutes after they came, you wanted to cry like a baby, because despite your silent prayers, you heard said toddler shout, "I wake up mommy!"

Ever had one of those days where you were so behind on everything house, but had to spend an hour and a half on the phone figuring out what was with that random pile of bills that had been sitting on the desk in no order whatsoever? And during that hour you had to beg your toddler seventeen hundred times (while hearing the loud annoyed sighs on the other end of the phone) to "please give mommy two more minutes..."?

And the laundry is piling up, and you ruined your teapot because all of the water evaporated before you could get to it and it made sparking sounds and smelled scary, and you don't have a five year plan, and what the heck should you go back to school for?

And OH MY CRAP what should you do about dinner?!

Ugh. Those days.

I found the cure.

You just have to lay next to your kid on the floor, and he'll say completely out of the blue, "A double rainbow- Oh my god!" and your day will be completely fixed because even though you are a crappy parent who let your kid play with trains on the floor while you were watching that viral video four times yesterday, and laughing so loud with your husband and you forgot to ask him if he had to go potty, he still loved you and knew just what to say to fix a bad day?



Life is good.